Dealbeakers

This past Tuesday, Melanie and I met up at the Valley Mall after Melanie got off work and like so many times before, we went to Starbucks. After we had coffee, Melanie told me that even if someone was the cutest guy in the world, she would never date a smoker because Melanie has seen what smoking did to her aunt.
It made me wonder what Melanie really would do if the cutest guy in the world did hit on her and smoked. It also made me wonder, what are deal breakers in relationships? People are a combination of good and bad qualities. That's why they are so confusing.
My friend Matt says she can't be a bitch. According to allwomenstalk.com, the most common dealbreakers are:
1. forgetting to be faithful
2.no chemistry or biology
3. trying to mold their partner into their own mental images of what they think their partner should be like.
4.jealously
5. insecurity
6.misdirected prioritization
7. communication breakdown
8. an unhealed wound
9.overflowing expectations
10. letting yourself go
Today it seems like we're taught if someone does not live up to your expectations, it's ok to give them the boot.I have to admit, I pride myself on not being easy. In fact last summer, I ended up writing a list of 100 things I want in a guy because a friend of mine told me about a women who talked about doing that on Oprah. I've even been out with a guy that every parent hopes their daughter will end up with. However we're not together because while he looked good on paper and in person, we're not right for one another.
After that, I think instead of figuring out what's a dealbreaker when it comes to romance, we should really be asking ourselves does this person make me happy? After all, that's what really matters in the end.

Simply me

Last week I went on a date with someone my friend Rayna wanted me to meet. We met at Borders for coffee and walked through the mall. I was planning to meet him today. But as soon as Rayna heard about our plans, he started to look all shiny and new to her again. I guess the old saying is true sometimes to get a date, all you need is another date.
It made me wonder though-what am I looking for? I feel like I should have fought Rayna or something for that guy instead of just going take him. (Although I am happy Rayna is happy.:0))
But at home, it seems like everyone wishes I where someone else sometimes. My grandma wishes I where into crafts more. My mom wants to do mother daughter marathons with me and my dad wants to get me into geocatching. But I am not a geocatching, marathon running crafts person. I am a coffee drinking oddball who is pretending to be a writer and used to work for "the mouse." Even with some ballet training, I am the girl who managed to trip over a footstool while I was on the phone with a friend.
That's when I realized I do know what I am looking for. I am looking for someone who likes me for me, a girl who trips over footstools and all.

Holiday Blog

If the seasons of the year represented times in our life, then winter has finally come for my pugs Ethel. Ethel died today before she could make it to the vets office. I found out earlier this evening when I got home from work.
Now all I can think about is how Ethel snorted because of her small nose and how she would follow me around the pool when I went swimming in the summer. I even remember how grandpa said that Ethel looked like her face was smashed against a brick wall. On top of this happening right before Christmas, a friend of mine comitted suicide this past fall and not too long before that, my gray tabby Babs passed away. So, it feels like winter really is all around me.
I am still wondering why Ethel had to go. But I guess there is no logical reason. It was just her time. Just like there is a time for the leaves on trees to change color, a time for snow to fall on the ground, a time for flowers to bloom and a time for the days to be really hot.
However, even though I know it was her time, it is still hard to get into the holiday spirit with the news of Ethels death. There is a pit in the bottom of my stomach and I don't know what to do or think right now. But, I know that I am still alive. I also know that I have friends and family who care about me enough to remind me that although 2010 ended on a dark note, the sun will eventually come out and spring will soon be here.

By the book

Over a game of pool, Israel and I discussed dating books we read. Israel said the book he read did not help him get a girlfriend at all and he is currently in a relationship with someone. On the other hand, I think the book I read is true for the most part and I am not seeing anyone at the moment. I don’t know what is in the book Israel read, but in the book I read it says if a guy disappears on you, he is just not that into you. I have had a guy disappear on me after one date. We got back in contact a month later and he said he just wanted a friendship.
The discussion made me wonder, am I so by the book that I make myself miss out on opportunities? I know there are alot of books out there on dating. I know I can be prissy and I tend to say no more than I say yes. I still am old fashioned with some things like I believe the guy should ask the girl out first and be the one to propose marriage.
But I also know each relationship is special and unique. Everyone has different circumstances and they make their relationship work in a way that benefits both of them.
So perhaps dating isn't about going by a book or set of rules. Perhaps it's like creative writing- you learn the rules so you know when to break them.

Making it

Almost every Friday night for the the past 4 months, Melanie and I have been going to watch Manic Thunder, a local improv group perform off the cuff comedy based on audience suggestions. It all started because my friend Rachel wanted to get together with me when she was in Yakima the first weekend of June. Her friend Tim is in the improv group that does a show every Friday and we decided to go see it. I liked what I saw well enough to tell my friend Melanie about it and the rest is history.
Sometimes I see Aarron , one of the players in the improv show working when I do product demonstrations at Fred Myers. Seeing him onstage performing on Fridays and offstage working on Saturdays reminded me of an episode of The Simpsons. In the episode, Lisa goes to a performing arts camp for a week, falls in love with everything and decides she wants to be an artist. So she escapes to the city where she finds out that her instructors share an apartment and work at a sandwich shop to pay the bills.
It made me wonder what it takes to make it an artist. I have worked backstage, danced, acted and sang on stage. But like Aarron, I am also at Fred Myers working so I have money in my pocket.
According to an article on wetfeet.com, "very few succeed financially (the notion of the 'starving artist' is well founded)."
So what does it take to "make it" as an artist? The wetfeet article says "only those with determination, talent, discipline, and luck manage to find careers in the performing arts in which they can support themselves ."
But money aside, I think as long as you get to do what you're passionate about, then you have "made it." After watchng Manic Thunder perform ,I can honestly say passion for what they do is one thing they bring to every performance.

Always on display

One day in class ,my teacher shared a conversation he had with his dentist . While making small talk, the dentist asked what my teacher did for a living. My teacher said he teaches grammar .
After that, the dentist told my teacher about the time a fairly attractive girl came in for an interview to be a front desk receptionist.
The dentist said the interview was over when she began a sentence with "me and my sister" instead of my sister and I. Why was it over? Wherever my teacher goes to get his teeth cleaned wants someone at the front desk who knows how to speak proper English. My teacher shared this story with us as a reminder that we are always on display.
At first I thought, that's not really fair. After all, we're all human and make mistakes like that sometimes. If beginning a sentence with "my sister and me" was the only mistake someone makes at a job interview, should it really cost them a job? It also made me wonder , are we really always on display?
When I think of being on display, I think of those manequins at the mall wearing the latest clothes for shoppers to buy, or the animals at the zoo. I don't like the thought of being on display like that because I know I'm not perfect.
I know I tend to oversleep, drink more soda than I should, and sometimes say the wrong thing. I can be lazy , self centered, immature and I'm sure my friends and family can name more of my imperfections. As icing on the cake, as much as I love entertaining people , I don't want to have to be "on" all the time, although I know what my teacher said is true. But maybe being on display isn't about being "on" all the time; maybe it's about just showing the world what one has to offer.

Shoulda, woulda , coulda

I swear my mind has an internal DVD player sometimes. When ever a relationship has gone sour I always go into rewind mode wondering what it was that I did or said that caused things to go that way.
I over analyze things with my friends. I also go to google to see what they have to say about it so I can get some peace of mind and sleep at night. After that I try to move on. But for some reason I always seem to want to go back and replay everything, making me feel like my mind is a never ending game of pong.
I know I tend to do this because I'm afraid I was the one that butchered everything. God knows I have many flaws. I'm not going to list them all here. But I know I have them. As icing on the cake, I know I am the common denominator in all my failed relationships. (I knew there was a reason I never liked math.)
But like Hannah Montana says, "Nobody's Perfect" and after being critiqued many times personally and professionally, I have come to realize our hardest critic will always be ourselves. Sometimes you just have to say things didn't work out and let them go. Love is more than just an emotion, it's a choice. Meaning, a relationship isn't going to work unless both people want it to work.
Also when it comes to love we're only looking for one person to make a relationship work with. So perhaps the old saying if they come back they're yours to keep and if they don't they where never yours to begin with has some truth to it. Here's to making mistakes, but somehow getting it right in the end.

Coffee talk

If you know me, chances are you know I love coffee. To me nothing is more relaxing then getting a hazelnut lattee at Starbucks and getting lost in a good book or good conversation. This summer I fell in love with the book Eat Pray Love. I love what the author Elizabeth Gilbert learns. The storyline is Elizabeth goes to Italy, India and Indonesia for four months at a time after a messy divorce to find herself. In Italy she learned to do what makes her happy. She decided to go there because she loved learning Italian , and so she went to a place where she could learn and speak the language, (as well as enjoy the food) for four months. In India she learned that to serve God or what ever you believe in , you just have to be yourself. Just as she was about to take a vow of silence they had her be the hostess for people coming to the place she was staying at because she is a gregarious person.
The only thing that makes books and the fresh smell of coffee even better in my opinion is when there's a cute guy across the table from you who wants to get to know you. In Eat Pray Love Elizabeth says she would tend to look like the guy she was dating like a dog tends to look like their owner. It made me wonder about my dating patterns. I used to think I had none. I thought if randomness is a pattern like Samantha Jones, I am a prime number. I've dated, tried to date or had a fling with guys from all walks from life. It's been a fun ;0p and interesting roller coaster ride so far . I know I'll meet someone who I will go the distance with and I hope everyone I've met so far finds happiness as well.
But one thing I have noticed is when I'm not getting something out of one relationship I jump to another guy who has the quality the other lacked. But with three men I was interested in, the subject of space ( the final frontier ) has came up at one point in my conversations with them. I was in an astronomy class with one of them. Another one like me , has visited NASA. The last one watched the meteor shower that took place this summer.
It made me realize I am just looking for someone who I can have coffee with and watch the stars go by as if we had all the time in the world. After all in a world that goes round and round, we all just want someone we can stand still with. Until then I think I will take a page from Eat Pray Love and just continue doing what makes me happy.

Evolution

Before Valentines Day I bought a green scarf at Goodwill. While I was on the west side of Washington this summer I bought a green dress at Ross dress for less. Since I went from the lady in the green scarf to the lady in a green dress I wondered if I have changed any as a person since then.
This started because last night ,after making fun of me for forgetting to put a word in an email I sent off to someone, my friend said he thinks I have commitment phobia because of how I express myself when it comes to dating and romance. I couldn't help but wonder if that was true. I admit I have stayed in a relationship for a year even though I knew it wasn't going anywhere. I agree with the saying if you where never someones girlfriend you can never be their ex girlfriend. I do have a fear of getting hurt because I don't like being the girl crying over some guy when or if things go wrong. Even my friend Amber told me at one point I seem to have a knack for finding emotionally unavailable men.
But on the other hand, I finally did get myself out the relationship limbo I was in. Since then I willingly met some guys for coffee. So I went from waiting for a man to get their act together to getting myself out there once in a while. I would have never done that a few years back. Now I know the word "wait" when it comes to relationships is like oil and water. It does not mix anymore then the word "busy" does in the world of dating.
After all when you're in a relationship with someone it's supposed to mean you want to be available for that special someone to love. If you're having to "wait" just to be able to do that, it's not a good sign. After all what makes someone so special they're worth you biding your time and emotions? We're always going to be coming in and out of something. Weither it's a job, place or relationship. The whole point of being with someone is you want to see if you have a romantic future together. Plus we're people, not coats we put in the closet and take out when we need it.
So maybe I have evolved a little and earned the green dress after all. :0)

This isn't goodbye...

Yesterday Melanie, Matt, his parents and I ended up taking a trip to "The Emerald City" ( otherwise known as Seattle.) When I first saw the city, the skyline looked foggy. It matched my mood because the caffine from my morning coffee still hadn't kicked in and I knew after today I would be back in Yakima . After finding parking we went to the Gold Rush museum. There they had a wheel you could spin to show how hard it was to find gold or strike it rich on the Yukon trail. I spun it three times and I didn't even strike gold. Matt spun it once and he struck gold- lucky Jew. After that, we went to the fire fighter museum. There I couldn't help but wonder about how strong and quick the horses that drove the old firetrucks where. Then we went to the Queen of Seattle to take a two hour tour on Lake Union. I have to admit I liked just sitting on the dock waiting to get on the boat and reading "Dear John." I know it's proably a little cheesy of me to be reading a romance novel.
But after watching the movie I figured I should proably read the book. During the tour I found I loved the wind in my face and the fact that the sun decided to come out. I felt more rejuvinated and recharged then I had in a while. I didn't even care that I missed the "Sleepless" boathouse.
After the tour, we went to Ivars for fish and chips. After Ivars we ended up looking at Ye Old Curiosity Shop and taking another boat tour. This time we went on a one hour cruise on Argosy cruises. As I saw the sun start to set on the Seattle skyline, I was half tempted to become a westsider permenantly. After the boatride we went to Starbucks. There I told Matt "remember Starbucks is where we met after we got assigned to work together on newspaper staff."
It made me realize that friendships can introduce you to new things like Judaism, take you places you've never been before ,like a boat tour and sometimes take you back to someplace you've been before, like Starbucks. At midnight I finally got back to my place in Yakima. There Matt told me "this isn't goodbye, it's see you later." All I can say is it better not be goodbye. After all, I need someone to take pictures of good looking men in speedos down in Hawaii since I'm not down there. Plus, I know he willingly went to a Britney Spears concert.

Up in the air

I went to the museum of flight today. There I got to see Boeing's original drafting room, a model of the international space station, as well as world war one and two planes. I personally liked the space exhibit the best because I've always had a thing for space. I just find what's up there in the night sky fascinating. One summer I got to go to Tabletop mountain with my great uncle Lee and my dad. I loved seeing the planet Jupiter , star clusters and nebula's through the telescope. Even today one of my favorite things to do is just go on on the porch swing in my backyard and see what's up there.
As I left the museum with my bag of souvenirs I realized I was like an airplane - up in the air in all aspects of my life. Because of that I thought, my life is a mess.
I wondered if I should be worried. After all, everyone else seems to know where they're going.
Right now, I feel like the Boeing red barn because soon I will be out in the real world, trying to make a name for myself. I can't help but wonder, where will I end up in the next few years? I'm not an overachiever. But I'm not an underachiever either. I'm just me.
I got into writing because I read the book Harriet The Spy in 5th grade and I loved how she would write about people because she wanted to understand them. Since then I started keeping a notebook with my thoughts and observations.
I got into theatre in seventh grade because even though I was really shy back then, I needed a class to take.
I got the travel bug because after my parents separated I ended up flying several times between Texas and Washington. Plus when I was with my grandparents, we would always go on a trip of some sort every summer.
I became involved with ABLE, the disability advocacy group because I met most of the people in the club at the SURC on campus and I thought disabilities advocacy was a worthy cause.
Now some time has passed by, my journaling has led to me writing about such topics as gay and lesbian marriage. I have also written poems, scripts and short stories. I've got to help interview Jay Leno in a real press conference. I discovered that I love meeting and talking to people from all walks of life.I liked my theatre class so much when I enrolled in seventh grade, I took theatre again in eighth grade. It led to me being able to work on shows such as Who's Croaking the Canaries,Anne Frank, Romeo and Juliet, and Peter Pan the musical ( non Disney version.) Now anyone who knows me will tell you I'm anything but shy. In fact, a famous mouse decided I had the right personality to intern for Disney in Florida.
The travel bug has not only taken to Florida,Texas and Washington. But it has taken me to at least Wyoming, New Jersey, New Mexico, Arizona, Oregon, Wisconsin, as well as England and France so far.
After joining ABLE, my peers elected me to be the club secretary. To boot this year I got to attend a disability caucus and I helped get my organization 4,810.00
If being me has been enough to get me this far, I hope it's enough when I am out in the real world.

I offically have my groove back!

July 26, 2010
When Melanie and Matt started dinner, I noticed that I still had 100 text messages from a guy I called it off with in April. I don't know why I kept them. I guess I was so used to seeing his name there I didn't think anything of it until now. Even I have to admit I think the fact they where still there was a sign I hadn't completely moved on yet. I was surprised. After all, I've had months to clear my head, and lean on my girlfriends. Plus I was the one to say au revior! Maybe the old saying is true, time is really the only cure when it comes to matters of the heart. (Although I never doubted my awesomeness throughout the whole process. After all, no one should ever doubt they're awesome.)
I don't know wither it was the smell of the cheddar beer soup being prepared, or just the beer. But I realized with my past staring at me in my inbox, I really wasn't going anywhere. So one by one I deleted all the texts.
As I did, I found that it felt good to finally take the final step in moving on. Now, I feel like I can mountains. I may not know where I'm going. But where ever it is, it will be in a green dress. :0)

Aloha

The tide is slowly starting to change. I am spending a week on the west side of Washington with my friend Matt because on August 18th he's taking off for graduate school in Hawaii . The night before I left Yakima, over face book messenger my friend Jordan told me he is already there in the land of Pearl Harbor and hula skirts on vacation.
In the midst of party preparations today, I couldn't help but remember, not only has Jordan beat Matt to Hawaii this summer. But he also has already been to graduate school. Also, like Matt (and myself), he enjoys coffee and traveling. ( Which one of us hits the airport runway the most? That's still yet to be decided.)
I also find it funny and weird that Jordan entered my life just as Matt's about to leave the state. I couldn't help but wonder, was there a reason this is happening? Is this the universe's way of making sure I always have a fellow travelwhore since my best friend still has yet to be on a plane? Or maybe there is no rhyme or reason to this.
I do know these things for sure.
1. Not only do they both know me which makes them ultra cool. Matt's Bachelors Degree in journalism proves he has a way with words and knows how to get the scoop. Also, a bank on the east side of Washington hired Jordan because he clearly has a knack for numbers.
2. I will miss working and hanging out with Matt like we used to. He is the Jewish brother I never had. Who else is going to make fun of the fact I can't say Puyallup right after he leaves Washington state? Plus, him and his family have welcomed me into their world with nothing short of open arms ever since we met on newspaper staff. On the way up to their house on Thursday we stopped at Snowqualmie Falls just because I said I haven't seen it yet. Yesterday they took me to Seattle, their synagogue, and all this was followed by a formal dinner. I feel honored because I know this isn't something they do for just anyone.
At the same time, I look forward to getting to know Jordan more.
3. I hope I continue to have many Starbucks with both of them.
4. Aside from our love of coffee and globe hopping, all three of us enjoy what we do and do what we can to make the world a better place. According to a website link that Jordan sent to me, he is starting a non profit foundation. Matt raised 500 dollars after the Oklahoma City bombing happened to help people there out. For three years in a row I was involved with The Vagina Monolouges to help raise awareness for violence against women.
Although theater is the last thing on my mind right now. The sun has dipped below the horizon and the luau held today has come to an end. It was fun. I got to catch up with my friends Shannon and Ted who have been dating over a year now. :0) I saw Matt's friend Jeremy do a dance in front of the tiki torches as they where being lit. Although I didn't know weither to say Hawaiian native or village idiot. I also learned I can create paradise. With lots of tape,flowers, birds, sandals,fish, a Elvis Blue Hawaii record, leis, ect. I was able to give the Hartmann household a little slice of Hawaii all the way up here in Washington state. Now, the tiki torches have been put away. But the rest of the decorations are still hung around the house. True to form, Matt has already located the Starbucks closest to the place he will be living for the next few years. As everyone heads to bed, I can't help but think maybe people are just like the waves in the ocean- always coming and going out of one another's life. Sometimes with a purpose and other times with no purpose at all.
Some waves are long and others are so short they don't even make it to the shoreline. Since you can't always control how long the wave is, all you can do is enjoy each ride.

Boardwalk ( a poem I wrote! :0P)

I wrote this last summer and I read it when I need a confidence boost. I think everyone should think of themselves as the Boardwalk because we all rock in our own way. I got the idea from a book I read, and playing lots of monopoly! lol The fact that I worked at the Boardwalk resort at Disney is a happy accident. Anyway, tell me what you think!

Boardwalk

Unlike Mediterranean or Baltic,
I can't be bought simply with Go money.
If you really want me,
you have to save up
and hope the dice rolls in your favor.
After all I'm not easy to land on.
In order to get to me,
you have to go all the way around the board.
But why should I be an easy land?
If all you want is someone with Go money,
then, I'm not for you.
But if you decide to invest in me,
believe me when I tell you that
the benefits are well worth the wait.

My Bucket list

I read an article saying that after attending an AIDS conference, former President Clinton revealed his own bucket list. It made me realize, on August 6th I will be 25 years old. (Uh, I mean it’ll be my 4th time turning 21. :OP) I know I have been blessed to do everything I’ve got to do so far. But, seeing Clinton’s bucket list made me wonder what other things I want to do before I kick the bucket.
Here are at least 10 things I would like to see if I can do.
1. Watch a taping of Saturday Night live. If I’m home when SNL is on, chances are the channel is turned to NBC. I’ve always loved their satire and talented cast. To see them perform live in person would be an honor. (If I get to be on SNL that would be even better. But I know you don’t find them, they find you.)
2. See a show on Broadway live. Ever since a friend of mine told me they saw Beauty and the Beast (my favorite Disney movie) live on Broadway I’ve wanted to go to New York just to have that experience. I got into theatre at first because I needed a class to take back in seventh grade. Now, I love the lights, spectacle and seeing events dealing with life, love, and loss unfolding in front of you live. It’s an electric experience.
3. Get a book published. Those who know me know I’m crazy about writing. Ever since I read Harriet the Spy in 5th grade, I started keeping a journal and I have been scrawling ever since. I find it helps you get to know yourself and the world around you better. I either want to have a collection of short stories/poems published. Or, I would love to publish a book about traveling, relationships or some book that can help people because if something I write helps one person, I’m happy.
4. Visit the Philippines. I want to go there someday because although I’ve met some of my relatives from there, I think it would be cool to see where the other half of my family comes from.
5. Have a family. For most of my life I have been ambivalent about this issue. I’m not like my friend Melanie who prides herself on the fact she can cook and clean. I cook when I need to and clean when I need to. But after finding out I had turners syndrome I realized that having a family of my own is something I do want for myself someday.
6. Start my own company. When I was at my community college, I got to see how a newspaper is started from scratch and how to use exact o knifes – yeah! LOL It made me realize that I want to be my own boss someday. I’ve thought about starting my own theatre company because if I do I can do what I’ve gone to school to for- writing and theatre. Plus I like the idea of being able to create jobs for people especially right now.
7. Visit Japan, Ireland, India, Spain , Germany and Brazil just to say I did. :0)
8. Go back to Disney when I don’t have to work there. That way I can see how things have changed, do things I didn’t get to last time I was down there and so I can enjoy the park without worrying about work.
9. Swim with dolphins. I remember someone telling me there was a place in Florida you could swim with dolphins. But I never got the chance to do that back then. I hope to do it if life gives me another opportunity.
10. Volunteer to help people in abusive relationships. After seeing one of my friends in an abusive relationship, I definitely like to do what I can to help stop domestic violence. The last time I did something for that cause was when I was in “The Vagina Monologues” and I find that I want to do more to help still.

What's sex got to do with it?

There’s nothing like friends. They give you booze when you need a drink. Plus they know what you’re really like and still choose to be seen with you in public.
Although being seen in public with someone can cause misunderstandings sometimes.
I have been asked if I am dating my friends Matt and Israel. Apparently, I'm seen with them alot. So , I’m in a love triangle I didn’t even know about!
All I can say is yes I have had coffee, dinner and played pool with both of them. But that's because the three of us are friends, amigos- however you want to say it.
I met Israel though Matt. Although, we really didn’t start hanging out one on one until I said three magic words -“I like pool.” After our first game of pool together, Israel made me laugh by saying Starbucks is “the magical land, the promise land.”
I met Matt on the school paper. We got assigned to cover a speaker together and discovered we both have a love of coffee, traveling, and politics. Plus we're both the only child in our family. At a magic show one night Gary, Matt’s dad said “it’s too bad Donna’s not Jewish.” But I think chemistry, rather than religion is the reason I’m not in a relationship with either of them. (Of course, I still think they’re awesome people!)
This made me wonder if guys and girls can really be friends. I know it’s the new millennium. Women and men work together all day, every day. But, if we find someone attractive, we want to be more than friends with them. We want to hold them, kiss them and see where kissing can lead to. ;0P It's human nature.
In the movie When Harry Met Sally, at the beginning Harry found Sally attractive and at the end of the movie, they got married.
The reason I’m not going to Ohio is even though my friend up there said we can go on “a date as friends.” But, I know he’s wanted to be more then friends since he met me at karaoke night down in Florida. ( Or at the very least I'm still not convinced that he won't try to erase the as friends part if I go up .) So it wouldn’t be right of me to fly over there, leading him on since I'm not that into him.
While I'm in no way saying we should go back to the Stoneage,I think the reason my friendships with Matt and Israel have lasted as long as it has is because we’re not trying to get each other in bed and have made it clear to one another we're not. Rather, we just support each other in all aspects of our lives. So a genuine comradery can blossom after all.

I am an optimist after all...

On the phone the other day, Melanie told me she wants to buy her friend Dustin dinner for his birthday on July 19th. She wants to because one Saturday a few months ago, he treated her to lunch at Zesta Cuchina. On face book she described that lunch as “sweet and romantic.” I remember that day as well because it was the first time I’ve gone to a friend’s house at ten in the morning just to help with hair, make- up and clothes. I think it’s as sweet as sugar Melanie wants to do something nice for Dustin on his special day. But I feel like a wet blanket sometimes because I’ve told Melanie more than enough times I don’t think he’s that into her. I say that because one night at a poetry reading, Dustin introduced Melanie as a friend. This was after the lunch at Zesta Cuchina and several Starbucks. Melanie says she knows they’re just friends and she’s cool with that. But as much as Melanie says she’s fine just being friends with this guy, I know she wants to be more with him. (I also have ten bucks that says she wishes I would burn my copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You.")
I wondered if by saying that Dustin’s not that into Melanie I was being too pessimistic. Am I so cynical about romance that I’m taking that out on my best friend? I try to see things for what they really are. But I still love getting butterflies in my stomach and daydreaming about the future I might have with guys I'm interested in. Also, I think all my friends are amazing. After living, working on plays and being an ABLE officer with Melanie I can say she’s one of the nicest people I know. She tries to handle everything thrown upon her with logic and class. To top it off, she is an inspiration story because no one (even her teachers) expected her to graduate from high school because of her dyslexia, much less go to college. (Of course I’m glad she went to college, otherwise we would have never met!) After all she's been through, I think Melanie deserves a guy who will proudly say she's his girlfriend. I know she wants the same for me.

Are we where we want to be?

In the book Sex and the City (which the TV. show was based off of), Candace Bushnell said the reason we’re single is because we want to be. When I first read that line I thought, that is not true. I mean after all, she doesn’t know the men I’ve dated, tried to date or my personal circumstances. So how does she know I want to be single? When I told that to Gary, the father of my friend Matt he said,” I think Matt wants to be in a relationship.” I didn’t know how to respond to that at the time because I know Matt likes the ladies. So they know, he is available and since he’s Jewish, you know he’s kosher. ;0)
But I have come to realize that the Sex and the City writer was right. (Although, this is the only place I will ever openly admit this. ;0P) I have been invited to Ohio and Illinois by two different guys. One I met in Wisconsin when I was camping. Another I met when I was in Florida. Both of them made it clear what kind of fun they wanted to have if I visited. But I am not in Ohio or Illinois. I am still here in Yakima, Washington. So I know I am here because I want to be. I wonder what would have happened if I took one of their invites. Maybe the fact I didn’t is a sign that I am still looking for the one who’s willing to cross a mountain for me since I’ve already been halfway around the world. Nether less, I’ve made my bed and I will sleep in it.

Impressions

I got a message from my friend in England today. In the email my friend told me that his grandfather recently died. (God rest his soul.) He then went on to say after my visit to England, apparently grandpa was always asking about how the 'Disney Girl' (a.k.a. me) was doing.
It's nice to know that my bubbly personality can translate to British English. It came at great timing too because back in the states, I didn't seem to be making a good impression. On Monday, Macy's said they didn't have a job for me.
It made me me wonder how you make a good impression. After all you walk into a room with 10 people in it, there's going to be ten different opinions of you.
You can google how to look good on a job interview or a date. But I think when it comes down to it, all you can do is show people who you really are and what you can do. After that, if you made any kind of impact, they will remember you. Just like an English grandpa remembered a quirky American 'Disney Girl.'

Co dependency

Over burgers at Red Robin, my friend Devi told me her co worker is getting pressured to find someone. When I heard that I was like what? After all, it's not like you know when you're going to meet "the one" you're romantically compatible with in almost every way and want to marry like you know what color shirt you're wearing. Another friend of mine has said he was depressed before he met the girl he’s sort of/ kind of seeing.
I have been told to find someone. I have also been told it can wait.
I think that's why I walk the fine line of ambivalence.
But it made me wonder, why is it if we have noone it sometimes feels like we have nothing?
I like being able to go and do what I please without having to worry about someone else’s schedule but my own. I had fun just driving up to Leavenworth for spring break with my friends from school. I also like being able to talk to who I want to.
However, I also know there is no greater connection then that between a man and a woman.
I was wondering about all this when I got a blast from the past. The teacher’s assistant I called it quits with in April decided to text me two days ago. It went from how’s it going to asking me about something intimate and I'll leave it at that. It doesn't matter anyway because I ended up telling him that I couldn’t start things up again. If the texting continued I knew it would be more of the I want you in bed but I'm too busy for a relationship tennis match again. After the first match, I wasn't up for another game.
However, the text made me remember, what’s more important than if someone is interested in me or not, is what I think of myself. After all that’s the person I’m going to be in a relationship with no matter who else comes and goes in my life. I think that’s the real key to true happiness . :0)

Gramatically correct?

I got a message from a guy on ok cupid. What stuck out the most about this message is not the content, but the fact he does not capitalize the first words in his sentences when he writes and hardly punctuates. One of my friends came to the conclusion that he’s an overall nice guy and I should continue messaging him. It made me wonder, was I being too judgmental? After all, I never met the guy. So what if he’s not a writer? We can’t all be Ernest Hemingway. I know I’m not one to talk about grammar. It's still one of my weakest points when it comes to the writing process. Plus, I know I still make mistakes and typos when I write sometimes. That's why the only good kind of writing as someone put it "is rewriting." So should I just keep my keyboard and lips sealed?
But on a dating site, you want to be seen in the best light possible. Showing you can use proper grammar when you’re sending someone a message is a good thing! I’m not saying you have to write a best –selling novel. (Well, unless of course, you want to.) However, you want your profile and messages to at least look like you passed a high school English class.
To top it off, on my profile it says I like writing and I hope to make a career out of it. Meaning, of course I’m going to notice major grammatical errors like that. So maybe his messages are an indicator we may not be the best match after all.

Green or yellow?

January 30, 2010
I decided to go to the spotlight dance on February 12th with my friend Viktoryia. It's our Valentine’s Day treat to ourselves and plus we both like dancing! :0) At the stoplight dance you're supposed to wear green if you're single, yellow if it's complicated and red if you're taken. After agreeing to go I realized I didn't know what color to wear. I know it sounds ridiculous. After all I should know if I’m single, taken, or if it’s complicated right?
The thing is, there is someone and I would say the color of our relationship is more of a green- yellow.
At first I thought well,I should be wearing yellow if we're in what I call the grey area. If it's in the grey area that means it’s complicated. What's wrong with being in the grey area anyway?
What exactly is the grey area? It's that area you're in when you're more than friends but not an official couple. The grey area is actually pretty big. After all we have one night stands, friends with benefits, fake dates, and then the people we are actually dating. I admit I'm used to being in that area. But I have realized the grey area only seems like a fun place to stay. Eventually you want to know if you are going anywhere with the person you're seeing or not.

I also realized I don’t want to spend the night explaining why my relationship with someone else is in the grey area. So I will wear a green scarf to the dance. When the time is right, the lady in the green scarf will become the lady in red. ; 0p

Accurate Quiz result

Friday, February 12, 2010
Suprisingly accurate quiz
Category: Romance and Relationships
The Priss Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD)

............................................................................

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You’re highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You’d take brutal honesty over superficiality any time—your friends always know where they stand with you. You’re completely unfake. Don’t tell me that’s not a word. You’re also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you’re pregnant. LOL. Though you’re inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it’s not as one of mass destruction. You’re choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you’re really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.



Upon getting this quiz result on ok cupid I thought I am not a priss! I like to have fun just as much as the next person. :0P Ofcourse I want someone to go on adventures with, among other things.

But after thinking about it, the quiz was right on target.
I began to wonder if being a priss a good thing or a bad thing. I read an article that talked about how if girls are too promiscuous they’re labeled as sluts, whores or an easy lay. But if girls don’t appear to be promiscuous at all they’re man haters or a tease. So we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

But I have also come to discover I really like the person I’m starting to become. I have some money, I’m almost done with school. I enjoy writing, theatre and being ABLE secretary. Call me crazy ,but it actually felt good to be in the CDS office and talk about the simulations I’m going to help out with for Disabilities Awareness Week.

I keep busy in my personal life too. I just attended a dinner and show in honor of the Chinese New Year, which had amazing food. Friday I’m going to a dance and my best friend’s birthday is this coming weekend as well. The weekend after this one I’m going to see Avenue Q and the weekend after that is my friend Becky’s wedding and I will be helping write a speech for it as well as ushering and helping with make- up. I even learned that I can actually cook. As for being picky , I don’t see why I should ask for less then what I want. You don’t want to reject someone over something minor. But I just don’t see how anyone can settle for less than butterflies.

A mocktail, Margarita ,green scarf, blue harvest and oh la la boots.

Sunday, February 14, 2010
Melanie has a lunchdate with a guy she's been crushing on for a while. My friend Beck is getting married in a few weeks. Meanwhile I sit here with ramen and a cup of coffee. I think Valentines Day is the hardest day of the year to be single. It's the time of year when everyone makes plans with their significant other, reminding you that you don't have one. On top of that, stores everywhere all of a sudden get covered with red, pink and purple hearts with signs like "Be mine."
My only plans include meeting my friend Matt for Starbucks and then heading to Yakima so I can be at a birthday celebration tomorrow afternoon.
I went to go to the stoplight dance with Viktoryia on the 12th however when we got to the dance, only ten people where there. So we had a mocktail and left less than ten minutes later. I was still wearing my green scarf. Viktoryia was still in her what she refers to as her "oh la la " boots. So we decided to go to Ellensburg Pasta company only to get there just as it closed. Dissapointed we headed back to campus. We discovered that the Mexican restaurant by our place was still open. So we had a meal in there. She had a virgin margarita while I had the real thing.
After that I introduced her to "Blue Harvest." For those who don't know Blue Harvest is a Family Guy parody of Star Wars episode 4. My favorite part will always be when Lois who is supposed to be Princess Leia is making her message to Obi Wan Kenobi. After she says "help us Obi Wan Kenobi you're our only hope," she asks the R2D2 unit what is buffering. He responds "It means wait a minute." That is so me when it comes to technology. Seriously I'm suprised I can even text.
I learned that night noone should ask either one of us for directions. We had a little trouble finding the pasta restaurant because she was following me when I thought I was following her. Sadly this was before my strawberry margarita.
I also learned that it really doesn't matter what your relationship status is this time of year. I had fun with Viktoryia that night. I still got to be the lady in the green scarf. She got to walk around Ellensburg in her "oh la la" boots that night. I think what really matters is you have people who really care about you and as long as you have that, you can't go wrong. There are people who call Valentine's Day single awareness day or who are just not into this particular holiday. I just say I hope everyone has a great Feburary 14th no matter what their relationship status is.

The ex review

While surfing around on ok cupid I noticed a guy put on his dating profile that all his exes say he is the best thing that ever happened to them.
“My ex's all say the same thing about me, that I am an amazing boyfriend who treated them far better then they ever deserved to be treated, and someone that even after breaking up with, they still wish to be close friends with. Sounds like a decent testamonial to me!”
Me on the other hand, I have been getting text messages from two people whom I thought I treated horribly. What surprised me the most about that is they remember the good times I had with them. One remembers how we would talk all the time in class. The other remembers us hanging out . I guess we’re at a point now where we really can be friends.
It made me wonder why do we care about what our exes have to say about us? I know that we don’t want to have an ex who’s a stalker or a psycho. But no matter what, they are exes a reason. No matter who did what to whom we can all agree the relationship did not work out for one reason or another. Unfortanetley, we all have exes. That’s one of the things we just have to accept about the people we are dating. No matter who we’re with, someone’s always been there before. Sometimes people do get back together after they break up. But unless that happens, all we can do is learn from the past so we can have a brighter future. After all, our hardest critic will always be ourselves.

The lady in not quite red.

I am insane. I spent ten dollars on a dress and I don't even know when I will wear it. I just bought it because it's pretty. It's a strapless pink dress with little teardrops on it and it fits me just right with no alterations. I found it in the Student Union Recreation Center thanks to the Fairy Godmother Project the Fashion Club put on.
The Fairy Godmother project is where people donated their old prom dresses and they sold it back at really decent prices. I decided on the pink dress over a red dress because the red dress felt tighter, I was fidgeting more in it and alterations would have had to be made in order for it to fit me right. With the pink dress in my closet, it made me wonder about choices.
I could have bought the red dress and got it altered. However,realized I’m not ready to be the “lady in red” quite yet. I know I have some major changes that I still need to make on myself.
For example, I feel like lately I have been saying one thing and doing another. I got back with in contact with someone who is interested in me but, I’m not interested. Rather, I find myself flirting with someone who made it as clear as water he can’t give me what I want right now. I feel insane for that too. Knowing all this, I couldn’t help but wonder what am I doing?
On top of that , this is one of me and Melanie’s last nights as roommates .
I love her unwavering optimism in all aspects of her life.
Me on the other hand, I’m a cynic . With my current circumstances, I wish you really could order men like a pizza. You know like, I’ll have a medium brown hair, blue eyed man with an accent who likes theatre, writing and traveling. Please hold any baggage and excuses.
But since that’s not possible, all I can do is laugh about it. I will eventually get tired of chasing someone who can’t really give me what I want. Just like the man I’m not interested in will eventually get tired of chasing me. Hopefully, it’s sooner rather than later.
I also realized that if I'm not interested in someone and if someone can't give me what I need out of a relationship, then they're not the one for me. When I do find the right person, only a few minor alterations will need to be made before the red dress fits.

Sending roommates into sexile.

Tufts University in Massachusetts made a rule that students can not engage in sexual activity in their dorm when their roommate is present and that any sexual activity that happens in the dorm should not affect a roommates’ privacy, sleep or study time. They put this rule in because they have been receiving complaints of students being sexiled. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/09/29/tufts-sex-rule-tufts-univ_n_303449.html
Sexile is when a roommate asks their roommate to leave so they can have sex or, engage in sexual activities.

I know it’s fun to spend time alone with someone you find attractive and see how far you can go with them. But does that fun really have to come at the expense of roommates?

Weither it’s a college dorm, apartment or house we can all agree , no matter who’s footing the bills that when we’re room mating with someone, we’re agreeing to share a space with someone we may or may not know.

I have been in the same room with a friend of mine when she decided to have sex with a guy she was interested in. Long story short, the three of us where watching a movie one night and halfway through I discovered I was the only one still watching it. So I know watching people engage in that activity is akward and uncomfortable. I also know when you’re with someone you like hormones take over and some college dorms just consist of a mini fridge, shelf, two desks and two beds with no door inbetween. So there is no privacy. But I can also understand not wanting to leave just so your roommate can get laid.

So after moving in, maybe that should be one of the first things you talk about if you’re not living with your significant other. I know it's usually an unspoken roommate rule. But if you're living with someone you don't know that well you don't know how they feel about having members of the opposite sex over- espeacilly if they're not going to get any . That’s why Melanie and I actually get along as roommates. I wasn’t sure how it was going to work out at first. I describe us as “The Odd Couple” because she’s a neat freak and I’m not. So some things bother her that may not bother me. I don't know how many times I've seen her wiping crumbs off the table while I'm still there eating. I don’t know how many times we’ve unintentionally locked one another out of the bathroom.
However, we respect one another’s need for privacy and the fact we’re sharing space with one another. We let one another know when we're having people over for the night-stuff like that. We do have our own bedrooms.
But even if we lived in a shoebox I know we wouldn’t send one another into sexile when one of us has a guy over. I actually encourage Melanie to have fun when she's with a guy she likes. ( The good/bad kind of fun ofcourse. Not the fun that can get anyone in trouble or anything too stupid .)

Maybe since Melanie and I were friends before becoming roommates it helped the talk go smoother. But after the talk is over, it doesn’t have to be brought up again unless something new comes up. As a bonus when you want to see how far you can go with someone you know your roommates limits as well as your own. If the person you're seeing really is worth doing anything with, they'll respect your roommates wishes as well.

But, if worse comes to worse you can get horizontal when your roommate's out for the night . If that's not possible it means hoping your mate has a place you two can hang out or can spring for a hotel room .

Tasty Dish

I just realized something tonight. I have dated a guy and my first encounter with him was at a grocery store. As icing on the cake, two people I have recently got back into contact with both currently work in grocery stores.
It made me wonder if going to a grocery store is like dating. (Not just because you can use cheesy pick up lines like "nice melons" in the produce section.) Rather, a grocery store sells all kinds of food- meat, cheese, vegetables, fruit, popcorn, potato chips, ect.
Just like while you're single you will meet all kinds of people. Some you will like and some you won’t. Some will try to force you in their cart. Others may not want you in theirs. Last but not least, there will always be that one you can’t quite put your finger on. But of course it’s up to you who you want to take to the checkout stand.
It made me wonder if I'm really one to say who to take to the checkout stand.
I have just been told to enjoy the company of the opposite sex but be picky and to really listen to one another. Then the rest is gravy. I think that is so true.
My friend Matt describes break ups as "losing the game." After all if you break up with someone, it's because the relationship didn't work out for one reason or another. I used to think of it as a failure too. But no matter how good or bad a bad a relationship was, we all have to remember, some relationships are meant to last longer than others. All you can do is enjoy each relationship for what they are and learn something new from each experience. I think as long as you remember that, you will find the tasty dish you will want to keep coming back for.

If life where a movie

I just watched an episode of Hannah Montana. It was the episode where she sang "If we where a movie" on the Wake up it's Wendy Show. It reminded me of the time my mom said she wishes life could be like a movie. Then she could dance on a snowflake or something like that. I agreed with her . I think life would be more interesting if it where like a musical. Imagine really singing and dancing during intense moments of drama and passion. "I'm checking in. (He's checking in.) No more drugs or alcohol. No more stinkin fun at all. I'm checking in. No more looking pale and thin. Hey that's just my asprin.( Check it out. You're checking in!)" lol I have to admit, watching Hannah sing made me wonder what our lives would be like if it where a romance comedy.We all know the plot of romance comedies. Boy and girl meet. They fall in love. Then there's some sort of conflict. (Or at least enough that they break up. But, not so bad that they couldn't get back together. )Then the conflict is somehow worked out in the end and they get back together. Add a subplot of some sort to it and there you go! "Fade to black, show the names, play that happy song." After the happy song, cue my tears and tissues. It would definitely take the guesswork out of romance . For me that may not be a bad thing. When it comes to romance I think like the Prince in Ever After. I wonder "do things happen by chance or are some things meant to be?" I also ramble on like he does in that scene. I tend to be as sharp as a tack when it comes to my friends romances. However when it comes to my own I tend to be well not as sharp. One time my friend Chantelle and I where going to Fred Myers. I said something to herin my normal voice. Then we started to talk in fake british accents. Afterward,this guy said he liked my accent. So I said I'm American. (Sadly this with without the influence of any alcohol.) Chantelle had to point out that he was complimenting my normal voice. The only thing I remember about him now is he's a scorpio and thinks friends with benefits is a good idea.
I also remember Rosie O Donnel said in Sleepless in Seattle -" you don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie. " Maybe she does have something there. In real life relationships do take time and work and you just can't fast forward to the ending. Plus in a movie you will have a group of writers figuring the twists and turns of your romance life rather then it being just you and your friends figuring out what to do next. But knowing how our own romance life will end would actually take most of the fun out of it.

Not so fearless

Feburary 27,2010
After some pomp and circumstance, my friend Rebecca Wagner offically became Rebecca Crabtree today. When it came time for the boquet toss I told my friends if I caught the brides bouquet, one of them could have it. I even said I would be willing to put in writing I vow to be the last one in our group to be married. It ended up not mattering anyway because Melanie caught the bouquet. They have her on video making a dive for it. After the wedding,I couldn't help but wonder, why was I saying I would give to my friends a sign that means I would be the next one to be picking out a white dress? Isn't a wedding the time when everyone who's single is saying oh I can't wait until that's me walking down the aisle and my dad's giving me away to the love of my life? I noticed in another wedding I got to go to, the bride tossed her bouquet a little short of where the single girls stood in anticipation. But it didn't matter because they ran to it. Where as when the groom tossed the garter belt a little short of where the eligible bachelors stood they just laughed, and looked at it until one of them decided to pick it up. It made me realize I am like those group of bachelors. I have trouble really making a dive when it comes to romance. I usually just say it's because for some reason the men I've met fall short of par somehow. It's not that I don't want to fall in love or anything like that. Above all things I believe in love."There's no wall love can't climb. No obstacle love can't overcome. There's no hurdle love can't hurdle." But I'm afraid of turning out like my mother if things go sour. Yes she always makes sure I have food to eat, clothes on my back and loves me unconditionally. She's somehow managed to provide for both of us and a cat on a single income. I do admire her for that. But over Christmas she called my dad an idiot and she's been saying that since the divorce along with complaining about how it took him forever to pay child support. (Becuase of this, at times growing up I felt more like her relationship counselor. Only I didn't get paid to ask ,"and how does that make you feel?") I know it's their issue not mine. But I also know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I just hope now that I realize this, it will not cost me my chance to say "I do" someday.

Mix or total mismatch

Feburary 2nd, 2010
Cell phones and computers can be like your best friend. They go anywhere with you and keep you organized. (Or in my case, they help keep me disorganized! ) They help you stay in touch with people when you can't physically be with them. They play your favorite music whenever you want and always have photos on hand so you can walk down memory lane when you feel like it. To top it off, you can use cell phones and computers for business as well as pleasure.
But every coin has two sides.
With the fact you can get in touch with someone instantly that means almost no privacy. I've once gotten a call on my cell phone when I was in the bathroom and my friend was in the same building I was in. Also as much fun as it is to post pictures of the party you went to Friday night on face book, MySpace , or twitter you have to make sure they are pictures you don't mind friends, friends of friends as well as potential employers seeing.
Knowing that and the fact that I went to a wedding expo yesterday, I have wondered if technology and romance mix. It seems like a good way to keep in touch, send one another quick naughty or nice messages and let everyone else know if you're spoken for or not. With dating sites you can see pictures of potential partners as well as see if you can anything in common with them. So you will know before meeting them if you will be able to talk to them about something during dinner if nothing else.
But it can also cause miscommunication because you only see what the individual choose to post on their dating profile/face book. Sometimes what's on the internet may not be what you think. My friend Danielle and I have made a face book page for her plant. We named him Timothy and according to face book, he has gone out with both of us. We did it as a joke and to pass time.
(For those that care, my relationship with Timothy only lasted about two weeks. It didn't last because he likes the color green and I like the color blue. I will say though, he was a very good listener and really liked water.) Plus you may not know how often they update it. There's also the fact if you and your significant other break up, there's the tendency to visit your exes page to see if they're just as lonely as you are.
The cell phone can also be a cruel reminder of the fact you're single. If you're single the only people that call you are friends, family and work. That means you have no one to sext while watching Twilight and you want someone as cute as Edward to bite into you. ;0) Of course the phone is also all too happy to remind you of that fact you have no new messages. Of course there’s nothing like cuddling, kissing, and spending quality time with someone you’re attracted to and care about.
After my brief relationship with Timonthy, I think cell phones and computers should be like eye shadow. Eye shadow is used to help make a women look beautiful. But before eye shadow can work its magic on a woman’s eyes, they need a good foundation on first. In a relationship you need a good foundation offline so that the relationship doesn’t fall apart when wires get crossed online.
Unless your girlfriend sees something like a new picture of you kissing someone else. In which case, you're on your own there.