Transitions

May 27,2010
One Thursday night, a Wildcat from Central Washington University met up with a Notre Dame alumni for coffee at Starbucks.
Over a pink passion iced tea lemonade and Americano, I learned this particular alumni majored in accounting and was moving from the westside of Washington to the eastside. Although my iced tea lemonade was good, I found him to be a cool drink. But, hearing him talk about moving reminded me I'm in transition as well.
Not only am I on the brink of college graduation. But a few weeks before meeting up with the fighting Irish, I finally called it quits with a teacher’s assistant.
Although in retrospect I should have made that move sooner. It feels weird saying I called it quits with him because we were never officially together. But ironically, that's why I walked. He said he couldn't get serious because he was working two jobs to pay off a divorce settlement.
For a while I wondered if it was shallow of me to just leave like that. After all, one of my other friends is seeing someone. But they don't call themselves boyfriend/girlfriend because they don't want the pressure of the title.
So why couldn't I just shut up and enjoy the ride? I wanted to have faith that things will turn out for the best. I also wondered was my leaving a sign I had no faith? Then I remembered being asked if I had a boyfriend and I couldn't say yes. That was when I realized I was on a ride I really didn't want to go on and I did have faith. I had faith that I deserved something better.
We’re always going to be coming in and out of something. It may be a job, a place, or a relationship. No matter what it is, transitions are hard because it means picking up pieces of your life to take with you, leaving some behind and adjusting to a new environment or set of circumstances. All you can do is have your head held high and laugh when your friend says we should name our theatre company Numa Numa incorporated. After all coming or going, we're all looking for the same thing. When it comes to love (and money) we're all looking for something or someone we can take to the bank.
As for me and the accountant, all we can do is take things one step or Starbucks at a time.

What Lies Ahead?

I finished college this past March and plan to walk the stage on June 11th. I feel like Princeton from the play “Avenue Q” because I’m wondering, “What do you do with a B.A. in English?” But while looking for my first big-girl job, on top of feeling like Princeton from “Avenue Q,” I also feel like I’m a teenager again. I’m back home living on the mercy and kindness of my grandparents, and I don’t have a lot of money. I know this is a part of life that others have gone through at one time or another, but, to be honest, not knowing what is going to happen next scares me to death. If you know me then you know I like having places to go and things to do when I wake up in the morning. I like knowing that I will have money in the bank, so I can spend it all at Borders and Starbucks, and, of course, I like knowing that I am contributing to the well-being of society.

While a lack of love is not the problem here at home in Yakima, I have been on an emotional roller coaster since I returned because my grandparents live on a limited income, and my dad and uncle live here as well. So, I’ve felt as if there is nothing here but a lack of space and a lack of money; this makes me swing in and out of depression as I go through the process of searching for my first job. I’ve been told to meditate and go for walks to relieve stress, but neither helps because I know no matter how much I meditate or how far I walk, I will still have my bed to make at the end of the day.
Lately, I’ve been wondering, should I have prepared more because of the bad economy? Had I done so, I would have more money in the bank, and I wouldn’t feel so stressed out.
But does anyone really know what’s going to happen to them? Perhaps there is something to not knowing what is going to happen next because for the last 20 years of my life, I’ve known exactly what was expected of me. For instance, I needed to study so I could pass tests, get good grades and ultimately graduate. Maybe now is the time to see what kind of person I really am outside of academia, to see what really catches my interest, and in the end, to get my first big- girl job. So here’s to getting messy, making a lot of mistakes and maybe even learning something along the way.