I finished college this past March and plan to walk the stage on June 11th. I feel like Princeton from the play “Avenue Q” because I’m wondering, “What do you do with a B.A. in English?” But while looking for my first big-girl job, on top of feeling like Princeton from “Avenue Q,” I also feel like I’m a teenager again. I’m back home living on the mercy and kindness of my grandparents, and I don’t have a lot of money. I know this is a part of life that others have gone through at one time or another, but, to be honest, not knowing what is going to happen next scares me to death. If you know me then you know I like having places to go and things to do when I wake up in the morning. I like knowing that I will have money in the bank, so I can spend it all at Borders and Starbucks, and, of course, I like knowing that I am contributing to the well-being of society.
While a lack of love is not the problem here at home in Yakima, I have been on an emotional roller coaster since I returned because my grandparents live on a limited income, and my dad and uncle live here as well. So, I’ve felt as if there is nothing here but a lack of space and a lack of money; this makes me swing in and out of depression as I go through the process of searching for my first job. I’ve been told to meditate and go for walks to relieve stress, but neither helps because I know no matter how much I meditate or how far I walk, I will still have my bed to make at the end of the day.
Lately, I’ve been wondering, should I have prepared more because of the bad economy? Had I done so, I would have more money in the bank, and I wouldn’t feel so stressed out.
But does anyone really know what’s going to happen to them? Perhaps there is something to not knowing what is going to happen next because for the last 20 years of my life, I’ve known exactly what was expected of me. For instance, I needed to study so I could pass tests, get good grades and ultimately graduate. Maybe now is the time to see what kind of person I really am outside of academia, to see what really catches my interest, and in the end, to get my first big- girl job. So here’s to getting messy, making a lot of mistakes and maybe even learning something along the way.
I understand how you feel. Really I do. And life's all about learning and experiencing things. At this point you're at a massive crossroad, and I guess whatever you decide to do or end up doing is ok as long as it's not kidnapping, or other forms of illegal activities. You can only do the best with what you have. Some people have more, some people have less. But just be grateful for all the good that you have. And Life is full of changes, so long we live in this world of needing to study and perform that in the end, you have to figure out the rest of the story. It's your story and nothing can be wrong.
ReplyDeleteMoney's stressing everyone out right now, because in truth the economy totally sucks! But have faith, you'll find your way and things will get better. This is just the time when the challenges come. It will be ok. I promise you, just give it time, and have hope.