Transitions

May 27,2010
One Thursday night, a Wildcat from Central Washington University met up with a Notre Dame alumni for coffee at Starbucks.
Over a pink passion iced tea lemonade and Americano, I learned this particular alumni majored in accounting and was moving from the westside of Washington to the eastside. Although my iced tea lemonade was good, I found him to be a cool drink. But, hearing him talk about moving reminded me I'm in transition as well.
Not only am I on the brink of college graduation. But a few weeks before meeting up with the fighting Irish, I finally called it quits with a teacher’s assistant.
Although in retrospect I should have made that move sooner. It feels weird saying I called it quits with him because we were never officially together. But ironically, that's why I walked. He said he couldn't get serious because he was working two jobs to pay off a divorce settlement.
For a while I wondered if it was shallow of me to just leave like that. After all, one of my other friends is seeing someone. But they don't call themselves boyfriend/girlfriend because they don't want the pressure of the title.
So why couldn't I just shut up and enjoy the ride? I wanted to have faith that things will turn out for the best. I also wondered was my leaving a sign I had no faith? Then I remembered being asked if I had a boyfriend and I couldn't say yes. That was when I realized I was on a ride I really didn't want to go on and I did have faith. I had faith that I deserved something better.
We’re always going to be coming in and out of something. It may be a job, a place, or a relationship. No matter what it is, transitions are hard because it means picking up pieces of your life to take with you, leaving some behind and adjusting to a new environment or set of circumstances. All you can do is have your head held high and laugh when your friend says we should name our theatre company Numa Numa incorporated. After all coming or going, we're all looking for the same thing. When it comes to love (and money) we're all looking for something or someone we can take to the bank.
As for me and the accountant, all we can do is take things one step or Starbucks at a time.

What Lies Ahead?

I finished college this past March and plan to walk the stage on June 11th. I feel like Princeton from the play “Avenue Q” because I’m wondering, “What do you do with a B.A. in English?” But while looking for my first big-girl job, on top of feeling like Princeton from “Avenue Q,” I also feel like I’m a teenager again. I’m back home living on the mercy and kindness of my grandparents, and I don’t have a lot of money. I know this is a part of life that others have gone through at one time or another, but, to be honest, not knowing what is going to happen next scares me to death. If you know me then you know I like having places to go and things to do when I wake up in the morning. I like knowing that I will have money in the bank, so I can spend it all at Borders and Starbucks, and, of course, I like knowing that I am contributing to the well-being of society.

While a lack of love is not the problem here at home in Yakima, I have been on an emotional roller coaster since I returned because my grandparents live on a limited income, and my dad and uncle live here as well. So, I’ve felt as if there is nothing here but a lack of space and a lack of money; this makes me swing in and out of depression as I go through the process of searching for my first job. I’ve been told to meditate and go for walks to relieve stress, but neither helps because I know no matter how much I meditate or how far I walk, I will still have my bed to make at the end of the day.
Lately, I’ve been wondering, should I have prepared more because of the bad economy? Had I done so, I would have more money in the bank, and I wouldn’t feel so stressed out.
But does anyone really know what’s going to happen to them? Perhaps there is something to not knowing what is going to happen next because for the last 20 years of my life, I’ve known exactly what was expected of me. For instance, I needed to study so I could pass tests, get good grades and ultimately graduate. Maybe now is the time to see what kind of person I really am outside of academia, to see what really catches my interest, and in the end, to get my first big- girl job. So here’s to getting messy, making a lot of mistakes and maybe even learning something along the way.

Dealbeakers

This past Tuesday, Melanie and I met up at the Valley Mall after Melanie got off work and like so many times before, we went to Starbucks. After we had coffee, Melanie told me that even if someone was the cutest guy in the world, she would never date a smoker because Melanie has seen what smoking did to her aunt.
It made me wonder what Melanie really would do if the cutest guy in the world did hit on her and smoked. It also made me wonder, what are deal breakers in relationships? People are a combination of good and bad qualities. That's why they are so confusing.
My friend Matt says she can't be a bitch. According to allwomenstalk.com, the most common dealbreakers are:
1. forgetting to be faithful
2.no chemistry or biology
3. trying to mold their partner into their own mental images of what they think their partner should be like.
4.jealously
5. insecurity
6.misdirected prioritization
7. communication breakdown
8. an unhealed wound
9.overflowing expectations
10. letting yourself go
Today it seems like we're taught if someone does not live up to your expectations, it's ok to give them the boot.I have to admit, I pride myself on not being easy. In fact last summer, I ended up writing a list of 100 things I want in a guy because a friend of mine told me about a women who talked about doing that on Oprah. I've even been out with a guy that every parent hopes their daughter will end up with. However we're not together because while he looked good on paper and in person, we're not right for one another.
After that, I think instead of figuring out what's a dealbreaker when it comes to romance, we should really be asking ourselves does this person make me happy? After all, that's what really matters in the end.

Simply me

Last week I went on a date with someone my friend Rayna wanted me to meet. We met at Borders for coffee and walked through the mall. I was planning to meet him today. But as soon as Rayna heard about our plans, he started to look all shiny and new to her again. I guess the old saying is true sometimes to get a date, all you need is another date.
It made me wonder though-what am I looking for? I feel like I should have fought Rayna or something for that guy instead of just going take him. (Although I am happy Rayna is happy.:0))
But at home, it seems like everyone wishes I where someone else sometimes. My grandma wishes I where into crafts more. My mom wants to do mother daughter marathons with me and my dad wants to get me into geocatching. But I am not a geocatching, marathon running crafts person. I am a coffee drinking oddball who is pretending to be a writer and used to work for "the mouse." Even with some ballet training, I am the girl who managed to trip over a footstool while I was on the phone with a friend.
That's when I realized I do know what I am looking for. I am looking for someone who likes me for me, a girl who trips over footstools and all.

Holiday Blog

If the seasons of the year represented times in our life, then winter has finally come for my pugs Ethel. Ethel died today before she could make it to the vets office. I found out earlier this evening when I got home from work.
Now all I can think about is how Ethel snorted because of her small nose and how she would follow me around the pool when I went swimming in the summer. I even remember how grandpa said that Ethel looked like her face was smashed against a brick wall. On top of this happening right before Christmas, a friend of mine comitted suicide this past fall and not too long before that, my gray tabby Babs passed away. So, it feels like winter really is all around me.
I am still wondering why Ethel had to go. But I guess there is no logical reason. It was just her time. Just like there is a time for the leaves on trees to change color, a time for snow to fall on the ground, a time for flowers to bloom and a time for the days to be really hot.
However, even though I know it was her time, it is still hard to get into the holiday spirit with the news of Ethels death. There is a pit in the bottom of my stomach and I don't know what to do or think right now. But, I know that I am still alive. I also know that I have friends and family who care about me enough to remind me that although 2010 ended on a dark note, the sun will eventually come out and spring will soon be here.

By the book

Over a game of pool, Israel and I discussed dating books we read. Israel said the book he read did not help him get a girlfriend at all and he is currently in a relationship with someone. On the other hand, I think the book I read is true for the most part and I am not seeing anyone at the moment. I don’t know what is in the book Israel read, but in the book I read it says if a guy disappears on you, he is just not that into you. I have had a guy disappear on me after one date. We got back in contact a month later and he said he just wanted a friendship.
The discussion made me wonder, am I so by the book that I make myself miss out on opportunities? I know there are alot of books out there on dating. I know I can be prissy and I tend to say no more than I say yes. I still am old fashioned with some things like I believe the guy should ask the girl out first and be the one to propose marriage.
But I also know each relationship is special and unique. Everyone has different circumstances and they make their relationship work in a way that benefits both of them.
So perhaps dating isn't about going by a book or set of rules. Perhaps it's like creative writing- you learn the rules so you know when to break them.

Making it

Almost every Friday night for the the past 4 months, Melanie and I have been going to watch Manic Thunder, a local improv group perform off the cuff comedy based on audience suggestions. It all started because my friend Rachel wanted to get together with me when she was in Yakima the first weekend of June. Her friend Tim is in the improv group that does a show every Friday and we decided to go see it. I liked what I saw well enough to tell my friend Melanie about it and the rest is history.
Sometimes I see Aarron , one of the players in the improv show working when I do product demonstrations at Fred Myers. Seeing him onstage performing on Fridays and offstage working on Saturdays reminded me of an episode of The Simpsons. In the episode, Lisa goes to a performing arts camp for a week, falls in love with everything and decides she wants to be an artist. So she escapes to the city where she finds out that her instructors share an apartment and work at a sandwich shop to pay the bills.
It made me wonder what it takes to make it an artist. I have worked backstage, danced, acted and sang on stage. But like Aarron, I am also at Fred Myers working so I have money in my pocket.
According to an article on wetfeet.com, "very few succeed financially (the notion of the 'starving artist' is well founded)."
So what does it take to "make it" as an artist? The wetfeet article says "only those with determination, talent, discipline, and luck manage to find careers in the performing arts in which they can support themselves ."
But money aside, I think as long as you get to do what you're passionate about, then you have "made it." After watchng Manic Thunder perform ,I can honestly say passion for what they do is one thing they bring to every performance.