Dealbeakers

This past Tuesday, Melanie and I met up at the Valley Mall after Melanie got off work and like so many times before, we went to Starbucks. After we had coffee, Melanie told me that even if someone was the cutest guy in the world, she would never date a smoker because Melanie has seen what smoking did to her aunt.
It made me wonder what Melanie really would do if the cutest guy in the world did hit on her and smoked. It also made me wonder, what are deal breakers in relationships? People are a combination of good and bad qualities. That's why they are so confusing.
My friend Matt says she can't be a bitch. According to allwomenstalk.com, the most common dealbreakers are:
1. forgetting to be faithful
2.no chemistry or biology
3. trying to mold their partner into their own mental images of what they think their partner should be like.
4.jealously
5. insecurity
6.misdirected prioritization
7. communication breakdown
8. an unhealed wound
9.overflowing expectations
10. letting yourself go
Today it seems like we're taught if someone does not live up to your expectations, it's ok to give them the boot.I have to admit, I pride myself on not being easy. In fact last summer, I ended up writing a list of 100 things I want in a guy because a friend of mine told me about a women who talked about doing that on Oprah. I've even been out with a guy that every parent hopes their daughter will end up with. However we're not together because while he looked good on paper and in person, we're not right for one another.
After that, I think instead of figuring out what's a dealbreaker when it comes to romance, we should really be asking ourselves does this person make me happy? After all, that's what really matters in the end.

Simply me

Last week I went on a date with someone my friend Rayna wanted me to meet. We met at Borders for coffee and walked through the mall. I was planning to meet him today. But as soon as Rayna heard about our plans, he started to look all shiny and new to her again. I guess the old saying is true sometimes to get a date, all you need is another date.
It made me wonder though-what am I looking for? I feel like I should have fought Rayna or something for that guy instead of just going take him. (Although I am happy Rayna is happy.:0))
But at home, it seems like everyone wishes I where someone else sometimes. My grandma wishes I where into crafts more. My mom wants to do mother daughter marathons with me and my dad wants to get me into geocatching. But I am not a geocatching, marathon running crafts person. I am a coffee drinking oddball who is pretending to be a writer and used to work for "the mouse." Even with some ballet training, I am the girl who managed to trip over a footstool while I was on the phone with a friend.
That's when I realized I do know what I am looking for. I am looking for someone who likes me for me, a girl who trips over footstools and all.

Holiday Blog

If the seasons of the year represented times in our life, then winter has finally come for my pugs Ethel. Ethel died today before she could make it to the vets office. I found out earlier this evening when I got home from work.
Now all I can think about is how Ethel snorted because of her small nose and how she would follow me around the pool when I went swimming in the summer. I even remember how grandpa said that Ethel looked like her face was smashed against a brick wall. On top of this happening right before Christmas, a friend of mine comitted suicide this past fall and not too long before that, my gray tabby Babs passed away. So, it feels like winter really is all around me.
I am still wondering why Ethel had to go. But I guess there is no logical reason. It was just her time. Just like there is a time for the leaves on trees to change color, a time for snow to fall on the ground, a time for flowers to bloom and a time for the days to be really hot.
However, even though I know it was her time, it is still hard to get into the holiday spirit with the news of Ethels death. There is a pit in the bottom of my stomach and I don't know what to do or think right now. But, I know that I am still alive. I also know that I have friends and family who care about me enough to remind me that although 2010 ended on a dark note, the sun will eventually come out and spring will soon be here.

By the book

Over a game of pool, Israel and I discussed dating books we read. Israel said the book he read did not help him get a girlfriend at all and he is currently in a relationship with someone. On the other hand, I think the book I read is true for the most part and I am not seeing anyone at the moment. I don’t know what is in the book Israel read, but in the book I read it says if a guy disappears on you, he is just not that into you. I have had a guy disappear on me after one date. We got back in contact a month later and he said he just wanted a friendship.
The discussion made me wonder, am I so by the book that I make myself miss out on opportunities? I know there are alot of books out there on dating. I know I can be prissy and I tend to say no more than I say yes. I still am old fashioned with some things like I believe the guy should ask the girl out first and be the one to propose marriage.
But I also know each relationship is special and unique. Everyone has different circumstances and they make their relationship work in a way that benefits both of them.
So perhaps dating isn't about going by a book or set of rules. Perhaps it's like creative writing- you learn the rules so you know when to break them.

Making it

Almost every Friday night for the the past 4 months, Melanie and I have been going to watch Manic Thunder, a local improv group perform off the cuff comedy based on audience suggestions. It all started because my friend Rachel wanted to get together with me when she was in Yakima the first weekend of June. Her friend Tim is in the improv group that does a show every Friday and we decided to go see it. I liked what I saw well enough to tell my friend Melanie about it and the rest is history.
Sometimes I see Aarron , one of the players in the improv show working when I do product demonstrations at Fred Myers. Seeing him onstage performing on Fridays and offstage working on Saturdays reminded me of an episode of The Simpsons. In the episode, Lisa goes to a performing arts camp for a week, falls in love with everything and decides she wants to be an artist. So she escapes to the city where she finds out that her instructors share an apartment and work at a sandwich shop to pay the bills.
It made me wonder what it takes to make it an artist. I have worked backstage, danced, acted and sang on stage. But like Aarron, I am also at Fred Myers working so I have money in my pocket.
According to an article on wetfeet.com, "very few succeed financially (the notion of the 'starving artist' is well founded)."
So what does it take to "make it" as an artist? The wetfeet article says "only those with determination, talent, discipline, and luck manage to find careers in the performing arts in which they can support themselves ."
But money aside, I think as long as you get to do what you're passionate about, then you have "made it." After watchng Manic Thunder perform ,I can honestly say passion for what they do is one thing they bring to every performance.

Always on display

One day in class ,my teacher shared a conversation he had with his dentist . While making small talk, the dentist asked what my teacher did for a living. My teacher said he teaches grammar .
After that, the dentist told my teacher about the time a fairly attractive girl came in for an interview to be a front desk receptionist.
The dentist said the interview was over when she began a sentence with "me and my sister" instead of my sister and I. Why was it over? Wherever my teacher goes to get his teeth cleaned wants someone at the front desk who knows how to speak proper English. My teacher shared this story with us as a reminder that we are always on display.
At first I thought, that's not really fair. After all, we're all human and make mistakes like that sometimes. If beginning a sentence with "my sister and me" was the only mistake someone makes at a job interview, should it really cost them a job? It also made me wonder , are we really always on display?
When I think of being on display, I think of those manequins at the mall wearing the latest clothes for shoppers to buy, or the animals at the zoo. I don't like the thought of being on display like that because I know I'm not perfect.
I know I tend to oversleep, drink more soda than I should, and sometimes say the wrong thing. I can be lazy , self centered, immature and I'm sure my friends and family can name more of my imperfections. As icing on the cake, as much as I love entertaining people , I don't want to have to be "on" all the time, although I know what my teacher said is true. But maybe being on display isn't about being "on" all the time; maybe it's about just showing the world what one has to offer.

Shoulda, woulda , coulda

I swear my mind has an internal DVD player sometimes. When ever a relationship has gone sour I always go into rewind mode wondering what it was that I did or said that caused things to go that way.
I over analyze things with my friends. I also go to google to see what they have to say about it so I can get some peace of mind and sleep at night. After that I try to move on. But for some reason I always seem to want to go back and replay everything, making me feel like my mind is a never ending game of pong.
I know I tend to do this because I'm afraid I was the one that butchered everything. God knows I have many flaws. I'm not going to list them all here. But I know I have them. As icing on the cake, I know I am the common denominator in all my failed relationships. (I knew there was a reason I never liked math.)
But like Hannah Montana says, "Nobody's Perfect" and after being critiqued many times personally and professionally, I have come to realize our hardest critic will always be ourselves. Sometimes you just have to say things didn't work out and let them go. Love is more than just an emotion, it's a choice. Meaning, a relationship isn't going to work unless both people want it to work.
Also when it comes to love we're only looking for one person to make a relationship work with. So perhaps the old saying if they come back they're yours to keep and if they don't they where never yours to begin with has some truth to it. Here's to making mistakes, but somehow getting it right in the end.