Not a bad decision after all...

2012 is now upon us. It's the time of year when we've just paid off what we spent over the holidays, and on Valentines Day.
I have often wondered if moving back to Texas was the best decision.
I am glad I've come to come back , see how much my mom , and friends have grown, and continue to be a part of their lives. This is the second year my mom has qualified to run in the Boston Marathon. Jenn Oler is moving into an apartment on her own this time- no room mates this coming March. Jenn Hoy-Lopez is happily married now and has an adorable baby named Persephone, and is graduating soon. Laura is still as smart as ever. I still wonder if there is anything she can't do. (Seriously she knows computers, can sing,dance,and sew.) Carrie is planning to move out of her parents place this summer. Amber is remarried, working and is renting a house now. All of them have been nothing short of kind and generous since my return here.
Jenn Oler was the one who picked me up from the airport, let me tag along with her to a festival, and has been nothing but supportive in all my endeavors despite me being... me. Laura gladly patched up the rose on a red shirt I got here when it was starting to fall off, and my purse when the strap came off. Amber and Jenn Hoy-Lopez have made it crystal clear I am always welcome in their homes. Carrie gave me a ride to work when I needed it , and willingly took me to get my car title changed in my name without complaint, on top of and dying my hair so I can continue to look good.( My friends Carrie has a knack for making anyone look good. If you need fashion, makeup or your hair done- she is the person to talk to. :0))
But generosity aside,I still feel lost in the shuffle sometimes because my mom and friends here all have lives of their own now, and I am still working on getting a life of my own here. I know if I where in Washington I would still have my job there, I would still be seeing my family and friends there on a daily basis, and have cable t.v. I would have been able to go to Canada with Melanie and the Hartmann family, and have a place to go every Friday night. Here on most Friday nights, I am at home on netflix.com looking for a movie to watch. I also feel like I am back in high school sometimes because some problems here haven't gone away. I feel like my mom and I are still as different as night and day sometimes because she's a day person, and I'm a night person.

But, I have learned I am stronger than I thought. I've managed to lose at least 26 pounds since I got back here. My mom, as most already know runs marathons, and my family in Washington is not known for being physically fit, and I just decided that I want to find a healthy medium. I don't dream of running a marathon, but I don't want to be obese either. At first I didn't think I could do this because I know how I am. I am like Garfield the Cat. I like sleeping, annoying people, and a good plate of lasagna. But now that I've passed the twenty pound mark, I think maybe I can do this after all.
As icing on the cake, I saved up enough so I could buy a car. It's a silver 98 four door mercury saber. So now my cat Silver has a silver car to leave pawprints on- woo hoo! lol Oh yeah, and I have a car so I can practice driving now , so I can finally get my license. So, maybe coming back here wasn't such a bad decision after all. It's given me the opportunity to see how strong I really am. I just hope I can continue to rise to any challenges that come my way.

My first week in the lone star state...

Two planes and one stopover in Los Angelos later, I made it to San Antonio, Texas. It's interesting to see what's changed and what has stayed the same since I
was last down here. The one thing I miss so far is seeing a white Ford
truck across the street. My friend Chris lived across the street from
me here as long as I can remember and that's the car his dad drove so
whenever I looked outside I would see that truck if the dad was home.
Now they have a new car and it's not quite the same. I also noticed
there is not a playground at the end of my street right now. I
remember going there until my mom called me in when I was growing to
school. The tennis court and community swimming pool is still there,
but no playground. But I have also noticed there are more businesses
right outside my subdivision than there was when I was in grade school.
Now all I have to do is walk a mile and I can go to Walmart, McDonalds,
Wendy's, Chili's, gamestop- places like that.
I love seeing my cat Silver and my mom again. It's nice having my
own room. Apparently all three of us have a bed. Mom and I have our
own room ofcourse,and Silver sleeps on the chaise in the living room
like it's her own personal bed.
So far I've done things like unpack, walked/jogged around the
neighborhood, my friend Jenn Oler spent the night here a few times since I came here, my mom and I watched Gnomeo and Juliet.
I started applying for work, and I got a job as holiday help at Macy's, so I will have an income for now. I can tell I am still getting used to the pace of a big city. In the past few days, I have hardly been at home. Tuesday I woke up swept the kitchen, cleaned the catbox, did dishes , went on careerbuilder, took out the trash, and caught up with my friend Amber. Then I went to the gym with my mom, and saw The Three Musketeers with Jenn Oler. Wenesday, I took the bus to see where I have a job interview tomorrow, and ended up catching up with my friend Carrie. Carrie and I had coffee, and she took me to a cute boutique she knew about before she had to get ready for work. Today I had a job interview, then I had lunch with Jenn Oler , and then I had coffee with Carrie before she had to go to work. Back in Yakima, if I didn't work I might see a friend in the afternoon , and then chill at home in the evening. The only time I was hardly at home there was when I was in "The Crucible."
I still think I'm either really smart or insane for making a move like this. But I guess I'll find out in time, and like they say, you never know until you try.

Turning a new leaf

Leaves are starting to fall from trees, it is getting cooler outside, Starbucks is starting to sell pumkin spice lattees and Halloween is 3 days away. Yes, fall is in the air. For me it meant getting back into theater. I got the part of Sarah Good in "The Crucible" at the warehouse theater. It was a success.:0) Now that the show is over, I have to pretend that I had a life outside the theater before rehersals started, and on November 3rd I am heading back to San Antonio, Texas. I have been wondering lately if moving back to Texas means that I have given up, failed , or something. I am definitely going to miss my life here. I am going to miss going to Manic Thunder Improv with my friends Melanie and Daniel. I am going to miss going to Subway with my friend Amanda and her kids. I am going to miss getting together for lunch with my friend Devi. I will miss getting together for coffee with Sandra. I am going to miss playing games with Becky, Bill and Crystal. I will miss going to bible study / game night with the thirdspace gang, working with Bev, and many other things. I would not mind staying in Washington, but I don't feel like I can stay here until something comes up. Plus,I don't think my current enviornment has really brought out the best in me. With four other people living in a one story house, space and money has become a real issue . My uncle and I are the only two who have jobs right now, and my grandparents are on a limited income, so they really don't have the money to support everyone, as much as they are trying to. I hate getting upset and fighting with my dad over little things, and not having my own room. I don't know what is going to happen to me once I get back in Texas, aside from the fact I will be living with my mom and our cat Silver. But, I hope by moving to a different state with a more positive enviornment, I will have a different state of mind.

Another chapter offically ends...

I found out Brian is engaged to an eighteen year old. Not only that, but they dated about two weeks before the proposal. I've had milk in my refrigerator longer than that , and when I was up at Central, I remember Brian monologing in Subway about his issues with marriage, and that he didn't think there was such a thing as true love. Now all of a sudden he's engaged to a girl he's known for five minutes?
Plus when we dated,Brian said if I even mentioned marriage, I would be kicked to the curb. Even though, he was the only one out of the two of us who even brought it up,and I even said if he felt that way we didn't have to date.
I feel like I am back on the mountain Brian left me alone on for two hours when he had to go for help because his car, WarBitch got stuck in the mud. I feel alone, cold, and still unsure of what to do now that my relationship with "the marijuana man" has really gone to pot.

Brian has tried to contact me. But, I haven't responded to his calls, texts, or email. I miss talking to him. But, what do I say? Even though we kind of dated, and I was proably the last girl you saw naked before you started dating this other girl, and I remember you complaining about marriage, I am so happy for you? I don't know. For once, I am at a loss for words. All I know is that tomorrow the sun will rise, and I hope someday I will see the light again.

Baseball

On Saturday, September 3rd,I went to the last Yakima Bears game of the season. They won 4-5. But as much fun as the last game was, earlier that day Ryan, the boyfriend of my friend Crystal asked me out as I was leaving the building we both work at, and this is not the only time this has happened. Less then a month ago Ryan did the same thing and it would start the same way. Ryan would tell me about the problems he is having with Crystal and then ask if I want a relationship with him. Two years ago when Crystal and Ryan where having problems, Ryan asked me and Melanie if ether of us would date him. A.K.A. when Crystal and Ryan are having problem, Ryan likes to start shopping, and apparently the first store he likes to shop at is Crystals friends even though his card has always been declined every time he's tried to shop there.
Today on our way to the Valley Mall, I told Crystal Ryan is starting to ask me out again.Although I know she is not too happy about it, she deserved to know the truth. As we looked at shoes and ate Taco Bell, I began to wonder if there where any good men still out there because I seem to be a fly strip for bad ones. It was enough to make me not want to play the dating game at all. I spent my labor day curled up on the couch, and watching Sex And The City shows.
But while I may not know men, I know when it comes to dating, men , good and bad will come my way. Sometimes I'll strike out, and sometimes I'll get a home run while I'm looking for that special someone to hit it out of the park with. However, I can't hit the ball out of the park if I don't even step up to the plate.

Mani/Pedi

Today I met up with Melanie and after coffee at Starbucks, we headed to E-nails where we got a manicure and pedicure . Yes, it cost $35 dollars to get everything done. But, when I got to put my feet in warm water, and they rubbed lotion on my ankles, I thought it is so worth it.
After I got home tonight, I ended up talking with Brian on the phone, and the first thing he told me was that he has a new girlfriend. The minute Brian told me that, I couldn't help but remember the last time I went into E -Nails was not too long after I agreed to go out with him.
After our conversation, being the overanalyzer that I am I couldn't help but wonder what happened to us? This past December, I was looking forward to going back to Ellensburg so I could finish school , and be with him. Now he has offically moved on, and I am still on the singles market. (For now anyway, after all circumstances like that always change. :0P) It's not that I want him to be unhappy. But, moving on after a break up has always been the hardest part for me. Even though Brian and I aren't together I'm still used to talking to him almost everyday, and, I will deny this in court, but yes it feels weird not having him try to get with me.
It feels like I tamed a horse, but someone else gets to ride it.
But instead of going down the poor me path, I will say hearing about his issues with marriage, and saying the "L" word (aside from making me feel like I am Carrie ,and he is Mr. Big from "Sex And The City," ) made me realize I want a man who is not afraid of those things. Yes, flings are fun , but finding someone who wants to build a life with you is another part of life, and I don't want to miss out on that when I meet the right person. Until then, it's nice to know for only $35 I can get a manicure and pedicure with my best friend weither or not I am in a relationship. After all, life's too short to be anything short of happy.

Contacts

I helped my friend Dawn Schaefer (name changed to protect the innocent) with a Disability Caucus this past weekend. There where burgers to eat, items on the auction table to be bid on, and contacts to be made. I talked about healthcare, sat by the creek, and talked with my friend Melanie about room mating with other people outside of college.
However, like milk that's been left out for too long, things started to turn sour at the end. Dawn needed Brian, a fellow volunteer to return some things they used at the picnic, and in order to do that Brian needed gas for his car WarBitch. But Dawn did not seem happy when her husband Jerry was giving Brian five dollars for gas. Dawn, for some reason was also not too happy when Brian offered to take Melanie and I home so the Schaefers could save a trip to Yakima.
So, I ended up leaving the picnic full of food, and confusion. Now because of that, and the fact the Schaefer’s always seem to be short of cash whenever they come to town, my mom and Teresa think I should just cut ties with them completely. Now, I have to decide if I want to cut ties or continue my friendship with the Schaefer household. If you know me, you know I hate having to make those kinds of decisions. I love making friends, and meeting new people. So, it is always hard for me to decide when it is time to break ties with someone. To me it’s like going to the dentist. I know I have to, even though I really don’t want to.
However, the Schaefer’s seem to care more about what people can do for them, who they know, and who you know. On the other hand, I have had the opportunity to work, play, and live with one of my best friends before I graduated from school. Our friendship has somehow survived my mood swings, feeble attempts at dating, our different living styles, and me traveling to Florida, England, and France. I think it has survived the test of time so far because I know we just want each other to be the best we can be, not because of our connections, and I just can’t settle for anything less. Contacts come and go, but true friends are worth holding on to. After all, friends have seen you fall on your face, and still choose to be associated with you.