Finding our own spotlight

I got a phone call from someone I work with tonight. I have to admit before that I was tired from being in the sun two days in a row. During our conversation, she told me others have said I usually get the best numbers at the park. That surprised me because usually I hear people telling me how good she is at her job. I still don't know if it's the truth or just gossip. I don't worry about numbers when I am working. I just do what I am supposed to do and I try to let whatever numbers I need show from that. Actually on the job, I am a silly person. I dance like no one’s watching , jump around acting excited about everything, chat about random things, and I try to create an environment where it's fun and everyone can make money. But it did remind me to continue to do the best in all I do because you never know who is watching and admiring what you bring to the table.

So long, so gone...

After work on Sunday, I got an im from Brian,and I was on the fence about if I should resume contact with him. A part of me still wants to talk to him again. After all, we where friends before we officially went out. Plus, maybe I did over react to everything. I know I can. I still remember us hanging out until the middle of the night, getting together for dinner after classes, and working together. Another part of me still wants to throw a shoe at him. I also remember him leaving me alone on a mountain pass for over an hour while he went to get help just as an incentive for someone to get up there and help get his car unstuck quicker, monolouging to me in Subway about how he doesn't want to get married again, and then getting engaged to someone else a few weeks after meeting her. This is after supporting his cause, welcoming him to Central Washington University, and saying nothing but good things about him when I was asked about him for the student newspaper. Some of my friends still say I really should at least hear what he has to say and remain in contact. Some have said I have made the right decision to not have contact with him. However, I just recently lost my wallet. I still feel really stupid that happened. I have tried to stay calm. But of course my mind was going all over the place wondering where it is and if whoever found it is going to use it to ruin my name or something. But in the midst of this chaos, my friend Carolyn willingly made sure I had lunch and took me home from work the day that happened. Sarah willingly switched shifts with me so I could get a license, and everything else taken care of. Meaning, instead of getting to work at a Spurs playoff game, she ended up taking my 8 hour shift at Fiesta Texas. With friends who have treated me with nothing but warmth and kindness, I didn't feel the need to go back to being treated so cold. Plus, I really don't want to hear that his fiancee is great in every way, and why we didn't mesh. I don't want to have to explain why I haven't been in contact. Honestly, I don't know if I even am the same person I was when I last saw him. I'm 50 pounds lighter, and if there is one thing I have learned since I moved back to Texas it is that I am the woman you want on your team.

Still a kid...

While working, or pretending to work, my friend Perry has said I am still a kid. I can't blame the man for saying that considering he has seen me play with inflatable dice before. (But, of course it was strictly for business purposes.) I don't know how many times I have introduced him to people as "Perry the Platypus," a pet platypus/secret agent on the Disney cartoon "Phineas and Ferb." (Again, strictly for business purposes.) With my job, I need to be energetic, outgoing, and inviting, or no one would make any money. But, even off the clock I know I can still be child like. I still enjoy playing scrabble with friends, swimming,dancing, roller coaster rides, and I still hate having to pay for things like gas and my student loan payments. Plus, I am single and don't have any children yet, so I don't have any of the responsibilities that come with that. I just have a cat who thinks she needs Temptations all the time. I know my child like nature is part of my charm. I also know I am 26, and I need to be able to take care of myself. ( My mom constantly reminds me about that.) So, is my child like nature my way of rebelling against my mother because she's always telling me I need to grow up? Is it because I am enjoying being single and unattached while I am? I don't know, maybe it's a combination of both. Or, maybe it's like what my choir teacher in high school said- we all have a mature side and immature side. Even though I am a silly person, I can talk about anything, I still show up to work on time, my co workers know I do what I am being paid to do (or, make them think so anyway lol), I managed to get a bachelors degree, and I learned recently I can at least run/jog two miles on the treadmill even after pulling a shift in the hot Texas sun. I think all it means is I am a person just like anyone else. I have good qualities, bad qualities, and I will have failures, as well as successes as I continue on the road of life. I just hope whatever happens, I will continue to have lots of laughs and stories.

Forty pound mark

I know it's been a while. Between working and working out, I've been busy. I'm 43 pounds lighter then I was in November. It feels good knowing I have accomplished that. I'm still in a love/hate relationship with people knowing I work out. It's great when I can tell people I lost weight. (I lost another two pounds - what what! LOL) But when I first started I was afraid to admit I started going to a gym. (a. I only have a gym membership because my mom signed me up. (b. I was afraid what people would think if I slipped up. I am only human, meaning I know I will make many mistakes .If weight loss where easy, there wouldn't be so many people struggling with their weight, and we wouldn't be bombarded with commercials trying to sell another powder or machine that promises quick results. Plus, I know when someone says they are going to try and lose weight, everyone else is supportive, but, proably also wondering how long they can really stick to it.
I didn't even know if I would even reach this point because I know I'm not one of those people that have to exercise all the time. On my days off, I still like to sleep in, and watch a movie on netflix. But, I also want to be healthy, so I decided to at least try. I figured no matter what happened, it will only help me. Yes, from the end of November to the end of January I had a trainer,which of course gave me a good start. But after my time with a trainer was up, I really didn't know what to do. I don't like working out by myself. If I go on the eliptical or machine like that, I will be more interested in what is on t.v. then working out. So, I started going to the classes there, and I just keep going when I can. That's how I found out losing weight is alot like going to school. You don't get a high school diploma or college degree by going to one class. You get a high school diploma or college degree after four years of studying and going to class. Just like, you don't lose weight by working out and eating right for one day. It takes time when you start working out and dieting to finally see results. All you can do is just keep working out, eating right, and taking things "one step at a time." But once those results come in, you know it was worth all the hard work, and all the instructors ask in return is for you to sign the book at the end of class.

me in October 2011. I am the one in blue.

Me today.

Not a bad decision after all...

2012 is now upon us. It's the time of year when we've just paid off what we spent over the holidays, and on Valentines Day.
I have often wondered if moving back to Texas was the best decision.
I am glad I've come to come back , see how much my mom , and friends have grown, and continue to be a part of their lives. This is the second year my mom has qualified to run in the Boston Marathon. Jenn Oler is moving into an apartment on her own this time- no room mates this coming March. Jenn Hoy-Lopez is happily married now and has an adorable baby named Persephone, and is graduating soon. Laura is still as smart as ever. I still wonder if there is anything she can't do. (Seriously she knows computers, can sing,dance,and sew.) Carrie is planning to move out of her parents place this summer. Amber is remarried, working and is renting a house now. All of them have been nothing short of kind and generous since my return here.
Jenn Oler was the one who picked me up from the airport, let me tag along with her to a festival, and has been nothing but supportive in all my endeavors despite me being... me. Laura gladly patched up the rose on a red shirt I got here when it was starting to fall off, and my purse when the strap came off. Amber and Jenn Hoy-Lopez have made it crystal clear I am always welcome in their homes. Carrie gave me a ride to work when I needed it , and willingly took me to get my car title changed in my name without complaint, on top of and dying my hair so I can continue to look good.( My friends Carrie has a knack for making anyone look good. If you need fashion, makeup or your hair done- she is the person to talk to. :0))
But generosity aside,I still feel lost in the shuffle sometimes because my mom and friends here all have lives of their own now, and I am still working on getting a life of my own here. I know if I where in Washington I would still have my job there, I would still be seeing my family and friends there on a daily basis, and have cable t.v. I would have been able to go to Canada with Melanie and the Hartmann family, and have a place to go every Friday night. Here on most Friday nights, I am at home on netflix.com looking for a movie to watch. I also feel like I am back in high school sometimes because some problems here haven't gone away. I feel like my mom and I are still as different as night and day sometimes because she's a day person, and I'm a night person.

But, I have learned I am stronger than I thought. I've managed to lose at least 26 pounds since I got back here. My mom, as most already know runs marathons, and my family in Washington is not known for being physically fit, and I just decided that I want to find a healthy medium. I don't dream of running a marathon, but I don't want to be obese either. At first I didn't think I could do this because I know how I am. I am like Garfield the Cat. I like sleeping, annoying people, and a good plate of lasagna. But now that I've passed the twenty pound mark, I think maybe I can do this after all.
As icing on the cake, I saved up enough so I could buy a car. It's a silver 98 four door mercury saber. So now my cat Silver has a silver car to leave pawprints on- woo hoo! lol Oh yeah, and I have a car so I can practice driving now , so I can finally get my license. So, maybe coming back here wasn't such a bad decision after all. It's given me the opportunity to see how strong I really am. I just hope I can continue to rise to any challenges that come my way.

My first week in the lone star state...

Two planes and one stopover in Los Angelos later, I made it to San Antonio, Texas. It's interesting to see what's changed and what has stayed the same since I
was last down here. The one thing I miss so far is seeing a white Ford
truck across the street. My friend Chris lived across the street from
me here as long as I can remember and that's the car his dad drove so
whenever I looked outside I would see that truck if the dad was home.
Now they have a new car and it's not quite the same. I also noticed
there is not a playground at the end of my street right now. I
remember going there until my mom called me in when I was growing to
school. The tennis court and community swimming pool is still there,
but no playground. But I have also noticed there are more businesses
right outside my subdivision than there was when I was in grade school.
Now all I have to do is walk a mile and I can go to Walmart, McDonalds,
Wendy's, Chili's, gamestop- places like that.
I love seeing my cat Silver and my mom again. It's nice having my
own room. Apparently all three of us have a bed. Mom and I have our
own room ofcourse,and Silver sleeps on the chaise in the living room
like it's her own personal bed.
So far I've done things like unpack, walked/jogged around the
neighborhood, my friend Jenn Oler spent the night here a few times since I came here, my mom and I watched Gnomeo and Juliet.
I started applying for work, and I got a job as holiday help at Macy's, so I will have an income for now. I can tell I am still getting used to the pace of a big city. In the past few days, I have hardly been at home. Tuesday I woke up swept the kitchen, cleaned the catbox, did dishes , went on careerbuilder, took out the trash, and caught up with my friend Amber. Then I went to the gym with my mom, and saw The Three Musketeers with Jenn Oler. Wenesday, I took the bus to see where I have a job interview tomorrow, and ended up catching up with my friend Carrie. Carrie and I had coffee, and she took me to a cute boutique she knew about before she had to get ready for work. Today I had a job interview, then I had lunch with Jenn Oler , and then I had coffee with Carrie before she had to go to work. Back in Yakima, if I didn't work I might see a friend in the afternoon , and then chill at home in the evening. The only time I was hardly at home there was when I was in "The Crucible."
I still think I'm either really smart or insane for making a move like this. But I guess I'll find out in time, and like they say, you never know until you try.

Turning a new leaf

Leaves are starting to fall from trees, it is getting cooler outside, Starbucks is starting to sell pumkin spice lattees and Halloween is 3 days away. Yes, fall is in the air. For me it meant getting back into theater. I got the part of Sarah Good in "The Crucible" at the warehouse theater. It was a success.:0) Now that the show is over, I have to pretend that I had a life outside the theater before rehersals started, and on November 3rd I am heading back to San Antonio, Texas. I have been wondering lately if moving back to Texas means that I have given up, failed , or something. I am definitely going to miss my life here. I am going to miss going to Manic Thunder Improv with my friends Melanie and Daniel. I am going to miss going to Subway with my friend Amanda and her kids. I am going to miss getting together for lunch with my friend Devi. I will miss getting together for coffee with Sandra. I am going to miss playing games with Becky, Bill and Crystal. I will miss going to bible study / game night with the thirdspace gang, working with Bev, and many other things. I would not mind staying in Washington, but I don't feel like I can stay here until something comes up. Plus,I don't think my current enviornment has really brought out the best in me. With four other people living in a one story house, space and money has become a real issue . My uncle and I are the only two who have jobs right now, and my grandparents are on a limited income, so they really don't have the money to support everyone, as much as they are trying to. I hate getting upset and fighting with my dad over little things, and not having my own room. I don't know what is going to happen to me once I get back in Texas, aside from the fact I will be living with my mom and our cat Silver. But, I hope by moving to a different state with a more positive enviornment, I will have a different state of mind.